March 2012
4 posts
unknown.: I’ve been hurt too many times. I’ve been... →
ilauralee:
I’ve been hurt too many times.
I’ve been left behind by so many people.
I’ve been forgotten.
I’ve been so lonely.
I’ve been lost.
I’ve been scared.
I’ve been scared of losing people.
I’m invisible.
I’m used to all of those things now.
But it still kind of hurts.
It still…
February 2012
48 posts
On the outside, I will always be that happy girl...
The problem with me is that I'm too stubborn to...
Being lonely shouldn't be a problem for me knowing...
I'm afraid to lose everyone in my life.
There are people I’ve met and haven’t met and I really don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to lose anyone. I’m afraid of losing people. I’ve been afraid since the day I was born. I get so paranoid about it that I actually ask these people how they feel about me. I ask them if I’m annoying or not. I only ask because I’m scared. I act like I’m...
I don't know myself. I can't tell apart from my...
I act like I’m tough only because I am tough but sometimes I act tough to bury my true feelings deep inside of my soul. If I said that I’m emotionally hurt, I know that I may end up crying. I act like a chill and laid-back person because I am a chill and laid-back person. But other times, I act that way to get all the troubles off my chest. On the outside, I’m a steady, firm,...
I like being alone but sometimes it gets too...
ilauralee:
So, I don’t even know….
unknown.: A few things that my parents didn't know... →
ilauralee:
when I was a kid, I’ve attempted to kill myself.
As a kid, I’ve thought of running away a couple times…I tried but I didn’t.
As a kid, I’ve had terrible thoughts of what I wanted to do to my parents.
This part is something that nobody knows about except me. I hated that part about me when I…
unknown.: Have you ever been so angry at a family... →
ilauralee:
Have you ever been so angry at a family member that your eyes were filled with nothing but hate, revenge and anger? Have you ever been so angry at a family member that you’ve lost all your respect for them? Have you ever been so angry at a family member so much that you do not want them to be…
I want to love you the best way I can but I don't...
I liked you from the first moment I saw you. At first, I thought we would never work out only because I thought you were younger than me. I was wrong. Now that I know you, I want to know you even better. I like you. I do. But, will you give me the chance to get to know you, as a friend? Nothing more and nothing less. Can’t we take it nice and slow? Every time I see you, I’m curious about you. All...
It is difficult for me to be relaxed and be peaceful in my sleep because when I sleep, I dream. But when I dream, my eyes wander and go crazy. My heart begins to race and sweat begins to form. Having nice, peaceful and relaxed naps happens a few times but not all the time. Before I sleep and when I am about to close my eyes, I need to put my arm over my eyes so that way my eyes would stay put and...
I hate reading. I like imagining and dreaming. I like letting my eyes wander and go crazy once I start imagining or dreaming. I like to write the way I feel about things. I like to write about my memories and my dreams. I like to write about things that can let people know about certain things….but I hate reading (unless its the newspaper). I like to observe things. I like to find and see...
There is a guy I loved for a very long time. We were happy together and then one day, it all just ended. Without a sound, without a trace…it all just ended. Of course I had a hard time moving on. To be honest, he was my first love and possibly my last…for now that is. Whenever I see pictures of him, hear his name or whenever people mention about him to me, I do quite miss him terribly....
We lay in bed thinking about all the things we always have wanted to do, yet we’re wasting our precious time by doing nothing at all. All we do is eat, sleep, and wish. We use our precious time that could be used on something much more valuable on stupid little things. There is so much more to life but instead, we are all sitting here doing nothing. We can do the most dare-devil thing in the...
Truth is, I never had my first kiss yet and I'm...
:)
ilauralee:
Respect is a big deal for me. If I don’t get the respect that I deserve, I will not respect you back either. Once someone disrespects me, he or she will lose my friendship and respect as well. Not only that, the way I used to talk to you will change. If you regret being disrespectful to me and want my respect back, you need to earn it. I will not simply respect someone for regretting...
unknown.: I must say that I am quite cold-hearted.... →
ilauralee:
I must say that I am quite cold-hearted. I do not want to be cold-hearted but I am. It’s strange for me because I honestly do not know how I feel when it comes to things. People see me as that girl who smiles all the time and I admit that I do smile all the time…but the thing is, on the outside, I…
ilauralee:
Don’t look at me for my looks.
Don’t look at me for who you think I am.
Don’t do anything at all.
You will not get the truth from the way I look, the way I am or anything like that.
You will not get to see who I really am without talking to me.
So instead, take the time to get to know me.
Because I will be the only one to provide you with the honest truth.
Nobody can be...
Heart stops beating.
Color of my eyes faded.
Eyes dilated.
Skin as pale as a vampire.
Cold as ice.
Silenced forever.
What if the second we die, we come back to life?
What if…
And this is why I'd rather be cold-hearted.
I don’t have time for anyone.
I don’t need to hear people’s bullshit.
I don’t need to waste my time on ignorant people.
I don’t need my feelings to get hurt.
I don’t need to be damaged again.
I don’t need anything.
I’d rather do everything my own way.
I don’t want to give a damn about your feelings.
I don’t want to give a...
I've just lost respect for someone I know.
And honestly, I don’t care what I say to you anymore. If I say the most hurtful things to you, I don’t care.
I wish my heart would speak to me so I know what...
I always had to let go of the person I loved only...
I wish I could have someone that I want.
I have been damaged.
I have been damaged to the point where I became depressed.
No matter how much I get hurt, over and over again, I will keep a smile on my face.
A real smile.
Not a fake one.
My heart is crushed and broken into pieces but I still have the ability to be happy, love again, smile and laugh.
Trust no one.
Don’t even trust yourself.
You can trust people to a certain extent but never trust anyone to the fullest.
You never know when they might turn their backs on you.
Love me.
Love me as a friend.
But never fall in love with me.
Don’t fall in love with me.
Please.
Because if you do, I’ll only hurt you.
I know what I am and I know what I am like.
I’ll only push you away.
I don’t want to risk the friendship.
So please, I beg you.
Don’t fall in love with me.
If you do, it will only bring out the worst in me.
If...
I don’t want to fall in love.
I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me.
I don’t want love.
But sometimes, we need to be loved.
Strange, isn’t it?
Maybe it’s just me.
There are people who have told me that they loved me and meant it. Those guys were nice and sweet. As I lay here in my bed thinking, they all popped into my mind and now I feel upset about it. To all of the people that have ever truly loved me, I am sorry. I am sorry for breaking your heart and rejecting your feelings. I wish I hadn’t done that because you are all wonderful people. I miss...
You think you know me but you don't. So stop...
If you knew my story, you would understand. Then...
ilauralee:
Maybe you will become sympathetic towards me but you will never truly understand me unless you have experienced it yourself. We all have a story so why judge when you do not know anything at all?
Immaturity.
I act immature because I am afraid to grow up. I do not want my parent’s to treat me differently. I want them to treat me like I am their little girl but also treat me like a grown woman. And sometimes, I act immature because if I don’t, I’m going to be nothing but boring and invisible. (I appear invisible to people sometimes. A bit too easily too.)
I do not know myself.
Sometimes…
I don’t have a heart to care about people.
I don’t have a heart to care about anyone at all.
I don’t have a heart to care if you’re sick or not.
I don’t have a heart to care if you’re in debt or not.
I don’t have a heart to care if you’re having problems of your own.
I simply don’t have a heart.
And other...
I wish I could erase memories that I do not want.
“I like being by myself. Don’t gotta entertain anybody else. Nobody to answer to. But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold. Someone to give me their jacket when its cold. Got that young love even when we’re old. Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand. Pick me up, pull me close, be my man. I will love you till the end.”
Story of my life.
I must have loved you a lot if I still remember every single moment we have had together. I must have loved you a lot if I still remember everything about you. I must have loved you a lot if I am still afraid that these memories will hold me back and bring back every single feeling I have ever had for you. I definitely fell in love with you. You stayed in my heart for about two to three years....
1 tag
Listen
There are quite a few people in my life that are special to me. They make me happy but sometimes, it feels like as if I am not as important to them as they are to me. I feel like I have to do all the work to keep the friendship together. Whenever I see them with their friends, they seem closer to their own friends than with me. In the end, I feel like I am invisible to their eyes. All I want is...
I kind of want a friendship just like Justin...
I wish my brother would spend more time with me :|
Korean-American.
I love Koreans and I love almost everything about Korea but I honestly love being born a Korean-American. I love America more than I love Korea. Messed up? Maybe, but that is how I feel. I guess this is how I feel because I was not born in Korea. Instead, I was born in America and grew up in a white neighborhood. If I ever went to Korea, I would probably last for a week and that is it. I would...
I was the kind of girl who wanted only one man. I was the kind of girl who would stay by his side forever and for always as long as he felt the same way as me. I do not know if I can be that same person again. I have been hurt too many times before. I have been neglected. I never received the proper kind of love from anyone at all. Everyone that were important to me turned their backs on me and...
Sometimes, parents can learn from kids but they...
1 tag
Realization #1: Sometimes, you need to forget...
I want to be a better writer.
I find it amusing to be able to write so beautifully. I want to be able to write like a legitimate writer. I want to be able to write using big and wonderful vocabulary words. I want to be able to grab the readers attention in a blink of an eye. I want to be able to get readers to feel that my piece of writing is breathtaking and is worth reading. I want to be able to write about something that...
On beautiful days like today, I need buddies who...